I wanted to start the blog again. But then I got to thinking that everything had to be perfect. And, tricked by that thought, I hadn't started writing again. But now I am.
I was talking to an unnamed lobbyist the other day -- I suppose he must be the wealthiest one among us out in the audience at the various hearings and such, although I haven't asked! -- and we were talking about the School Formerly Known as Johnston. (Symbol High)
You must know, if you know me, how I feel about Johnston High. This is one of my Big Three. By Big Three, I mean those three things that I view most passionately: Johnston; Big C and the Agency; and Other Reporters, either good or bad. If they're bad, I insult the work. If they're good, I am miserable I didn't get there first. And better.
I was talking to an unnamed lobbyist the other day -- I suppose he must be the wealthiest one among us out in the audience at the various hearings and such, although I haven't asked! -- and we were talking about the School Formerly Known as Johnston. (Symbol High)
You must know, if you know me, how I feel about Johnston High. This is one of my Big Three. By Big Three, I mean those three things that I view most passionately: Johnston; Big C and the Agency; and Other Reporters, either good or bad. If they're bad, I insult the work. If they're good, I am miserable I didn't get there first. And better.
And I was saying to DDA -- that's how I shall refer to him, as DDA -- that I was very mad about Johnston. And for those of you who know me, you know that Johnston is closing, and I want to see AISD's blood on the pavement over this one. And AISD doesn't seem the least bit remorseful yet, despite my rather pointed questions to district administrators.
And DDA said, "Shouldn't reporters be objective?"
Oh. Busted. That hurts.
And he was right. Reporters are objective. But that opens up such an interesting line of discussion, one interesting enough to have me turn off The Princess Bride on Tivo.
No, I don't think reporters are objective. But I do think we are supposed to be fair. I guess, in the age of Meet the Press (RIP, Saint Russert.), we recognize that people can both have opinions and be somewhat objective at the end of the day. And, clearly, after you've covered a subject for 20 years, you end up with opinions. So, yes, I have thoughts on education.
(Just in shorthand here: I don't care which side its on. I want it to be fair, logical and meaningful to the kids in the classroom. Clue: Don't give me a T-STEM academy. I hate silly political rhetoric about how millions of dollars will save a handful of kids.)
I don't want to belabor the Deeper Meaning of My Life too much -- or I would be here for hours! -- but I would make two points about that whole thing:
The second point is more important than the first, but the first is who I am. I went back to my trusty Myers Briggs -- who knows why at this particular moment? - and noticed that I had settled into a pretty firm INTP, rather than some of my other fave categories. (Which is to say I'm no longer a cult leader or leading towards a life in politics.)
So this is what you need to know about me. No matter what we're doing ... or how long the meeting is ... in my head, I'm working out a theory. And I want you to hear that theory. Even though I may not be the most articulate about that theory. And I don't expect you to believe it, exactly, but if you don't believe it, you better bring it on and tell me why not. And if you don't understand me -- or in the case of Some People -- don't respond, I'm going to get Very Very Frustrated. Because, baby, I am so INTP.
And, for Pete's sakes, I'm saving the world. I have... principles.
I don't want to belabor the Deeper Meaning of My Life too much -- or I would be here for hours! -- but I would make two points about that whole thing:
The second point is more important than the first, but the first is who I am. I went back to my trusty Myers Briggs -- who knows why at this particular moment? - and noticed that I had settled into a pretty firm INTP, rather than some of my other fave categories. (Which is to say I'm no longer a cult leader or leading towards a life in politics.)
So this is what you need to know about me. No matter what we're doing ... or how long the meeting is ... in my head, I'm working out a theory. And I want you to hear that theory. Even though I may not be the most articulate about that theory. And I don't expect you to believe it, exactly, but if you don't believe it, you better bring it on and tell me why not. And if you don't understand me -- or in the case of Some People -- don't respond, I'm going to get Very Very Frustrated. Because, baby, I am so INTP.
And, for Pete's sakes, I'm saving the world. I have... principles.
Clearly, I don't have any idea how I am perceived by others. I had an e-mail the other dasy that said people at the Agency were afraid of me. My passion is perceived as... criticism? Hatred? The signs of an unsettled mind? This seems strange to me. I am a rather retiring type. When I'm not being really really passionate about, yes, the Agency, I'm mild.
I don't know how other reporters operate, actually. I don't think I could do the kind of reporting they do without slicing open a wrist. My gosh, it's so boring to simply report the dialogue without having a clue about what is going on! But then you get into my MSM fixation.
And we're back to the whole... "I don't mean any harm but I just have to say this..."
Just know: I left a TV job in Dallas. In a Top 10 market. Not because I couldn't handle the stress. I think I could. But because the kind of news they don't was just so ... specious... that I spent every day fighting depression and acid reflux. So if I can't fight the good fight... without hurting anyone, I hope.. then it's just not worth the effort.
Okay, so here's the second point. I need to have more faith in other people. I feel blessed when what I do changes the way the topic or situation is viewed by other people. If I can improve the decision-making of others -- even if they land somewhere where I am not -- then I have done what I want to set out to do. I have accomplished my goal.
Okay, so here's the second point. I need to have more faith in other people. I feel blessed when what I do changes the way the topic or situation is viewed by other people. If I can improve the decision-making of others -- even if they land somewhere where I am not -- then I have done what I want to set out to do. I have accomplished my goal.
And, no, I don't think I could stand by while someone was being burned alive during a war. They used that example on a press site -- could you maintain your objectively to report terrible death and destruction in front of your yes? -- The answer is, "Not very well."
And the other day, I was told that people actually had heard my message about Johnston. It had actually triggered some thoughts, and it might lead to some action. So I thought, "Yeah, dummy. That's the point. Why be mad when the point is to show others the facts?"
How can I be effective if I'm mad? If I really trust the democratic process (small "D"), then I'm going to trust that what I write may lead to something. I hope. Sometimes it's hard to let go, in my INTP state, but to step back and see the process working. It's the most amazing thing.
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